As If I Never Said Goodbye

Forgive me! To all of my dozen readers, please forgive me. It's been a week and I apologize. I've been busy and have really been unmoved to write. But after looking back over my last week, I realized there are a few things to note --- along with an Idol re-cap. So, here we go...

First up: Mariah's "E=MC2" album is really damn good; just as good as "Mimi," though I don't know if I'd say "better." Here's the thing with MC, you either worship her, really like her music (and not so much her), or just can't stand. I'm between the first two. I don't worship her, but I do enjoy her sometimes borderline Paula Abdul-like nuttiness, and I love a comeback. And from what I hear, before she released "Mimi," her reps at the label and management had a major "come to Jesus" chat with her urging her to drop the heavy hip hop sounds with no melodies seen in her previous 2 flop albums and ride the line between hip hop & pop thus bringing back catchy choruses. She listened. And I love that it was so apparent as she delivered "Mimi," with numerous hit singles. So, I ask you to sample Touch My Body, Loving You Long Time, I'm That Chick, and the future inescapable #1 I Stay In Love. (Please release that one. There's an odd misstep I feel in the label issuing the current "Bye Bye," as single #2. We'll see.)

Uhm, I've heard Madonna's CD. And at risk of losing friends, I'll opt out on writing a review and will just say, she'll have a couple of nice singles from "Hard Candy," and that's all I can say without having a hitman at my door.

I saw "Forgetting Sarah Marshall." While not as good as "Knocked Up" or the genius of "Superbad," it was enjoyable, not boring, funny, entertaining and showed that the creator/star, Jason Segel, could be a future Will Farrell, Mila Kunis should be a huge movie star, and that between Kunis and Kristen Bell on the screen, there is an overload of beauty to counter-balance the the not so hotness of the male co-stars. Who knew that the short-lived NBC series "Freaks & Geeks" would begat so many millions of dollars in feature films. Rent the series on DVD. If you grew up in the 70's-80's, it's painfully real and hysterical.

The Music of the Night: Here we go... AL Webber night on Idol was a doozie right? I will continue to go on record to say, "there will be three." Three dudes left standing. Our first top 3 and our first top 2 men competing since Aiken & Studdard 5 years ago. The producers want it too; so much that they staged the David-Squared visual at the top of the show last night standing them side-by-side for the vote off. Both were safe. Shocker. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Lemme run through a recap of the performances. I find myself now watching the show not thinking who will win or who will sell records when signed, but whose recording will I buy at iTunes this week. This week I'm buying Baby D's "Think Of Me." Being a King of Adult Contemporary myself, I thought his rendition was sweet, accessible, current, and more daring than any of the soulful yet milquetoast choices he's had previously. With inspirational songs abound in Webber's "Jesus Christ" and "Joseph," I was also surprised by his "Phantom" choice. David Cook let it slip that he had theatre experience in his clip. Then he tackled one of the most popular Webber tunes, "The Music of the Night." I was impressed with his performance and loved it even more when he explained on the vote-off night that he decided by doing the predictable, original arrangement, that it'd be unpredictable coming from him. Bravo. That said, he sounded so at-home, so "broadway," so clear-toned (except for one raspy rocker note at the end), that it made me feel that his Daughtry'esque'ness is a bit of a put on. Say what you will, but I feel even Daughtry and perhaps Michael Johns would have gone for an obvious "Jesus" tune and rocked it out. I cringed when Cook chose "Music," because it's from my least favorite Webber musical (thought I don't like many). But then I thought, "Damn, he picked the most popular, longest running musical kept alive by rabid women who find it the most romantic story ever told." And his phones rang. Smart Cookie. So, a few more: Sayesha? Cool performance. Tamyra Gray should be nervous. And that's about it. Castro? Worst song choice in history (but I'd still sign him). Brooke? F**ked up the lyrics, her personality is grating and while completely marketable (and I would indeed sign her), I say, again, she is not for this competition. She is Carole King/Sheryl Crow.

Which brings us to Carly Smithson. Michael Slesak at ew.com summed it up, so I'll quote here, "Carly's tattoos, her unwavering delight in showing off said body art, her husband's tattooed face, her desperate desire to please Simon Cowell, her angsty facial expressions, the pre-season brouhaha about her failed 2001 major-label CD, her sometimes off-putting stage banter, her occasional vocal inconsistency (see ''Idol Gives Back'' week), and even the fact that she's from Ireland, well, they were all warning lights that combined to spell a simple, disconcerting message: 'For a limited time only.'" And I will add that her wavering song choices, saying to us, essentially, "I'm the next Celine," one week to "I'm the next Heart," the next, she was inconsistent in her image, her vocal style and thus confused us as to what kind of artist we'd expect her to be. It's as if she wants to be Pink, but her mature, near soccer-mom face, boring hair, frumpy but better-than-it-started body - and song choices like "Without You," on Mariah night and her original choice of "All I Ask Of You," this week, was not leading us to think she'll be Pink or Kelly Clarkson for that matter. Just because she pours beer and has a tattooed sleeve and extremely tattooed husband doesn't mean she fits a rocker mold of Pink or the late Amanda Overmeyer. We were afraid of Amanda and would run from her on an empty street. We want to braid Carly's hair and make her Chamomile tea. So, would I sign her? No. Not to be crass, but just like (the unmarketable and now invisible, yet wonderful vocalist), Melinda Doolittle, she's just not f**kable. The harsh truth, albeit unfair, is that you just HAVE to be. It doesn't matter if you've been around (Gwen, Madonna) or are a newer act (Fergie, Leona Lewis), in order to be a STAR, you have to be f**kable. Sex sells. Sex gives you longevity in your career. Trust me. You'll see this when Sarah Barielles, Colbie Caliat, Winehouse, Lily Allen will make critically acclaimed records that will win awards, maybe go Gold (likely not) and have no hit singles. That said, I think Idol is looking for the next Pop star. I too, would look for the next pop star. I'd want the next Madonna, Beyonce or Mariah. They write, they listen to their guides, but yet are in-charge as well. They sell tickets and albums. And will continue to do so for the next decade. Carly? She'd get signed. Have an AC hit and a club remix, then disappear. Believe me, I know from AC and Club remixes and there's no dough in it per se. And I have a feeling, just like Carly thinks she's Pink, I think she thinks she's an "artiste," and will push for that. And faster than you can say "Tamyra Gray," (who famously fought to co-write her cd to then be dropped), Carly, within 2 years, will be in the touring production of Mamma Mia... playing the mother. In closing, I leave you with this: Linda Ronstadt was the most f**kable pop singer of the 70's. But by recording those Nelson Riddle albums too early in her career, well, no one wants to f**k the broad in the ballroom-prom gown singing "I've Got A Crush On You," thus ending a respectable career and gaining 50 pounds. Just sayin'!

SIDEBAR: My favorite AL Webber musical is "Sunset Blvd.," not represented this week on Idol. I would have had Brooke or Castro sing an acoustic (with a bit of a strumming tempo) version of "As If We Never Said Goodbye." Hey, I thought HBO was making this musical into a TV movie with Glenn Close? While I prefer LuPone (as most do) over Close, I still think this should get made. Though if they re-cast Cher, Streisand, or Meryl as Norma Desmond, I'd probably implode.

Final Webber Note: No one loves Andrew Lloyd Webber more than Andrew Lloyd Webber. What an ego! I could smell it through the TV!

BEAUTY NOTE: Loreal For Men Daily Thickening Shampoo really DOES make your hair thicker... for those of you with thinning hair. Not me, clearly, right? Though I do believe in PREVENTION and have discovered first-hand that this stuff works!